Until now, #pridemonth always was an ideal I opposed to my current shame and very low vision of myself.
Since I was 13, people used to harass me for some reasons, including my « potential #gayness », even If I haven’t thought much about boys at this time. Always asked me to reveal my #homosexuality like it was a joke. A pretty bad joke because it had driven me crazy and reduced my confidence to a supermassive black hole. ⚫️
When at, 18, after dating some girls, I fell for a straight guy I considered as one of my best friend, the black hole turned into void in my head. It was dark and violent. I denied at the same time I had pretty rough time until we break violently our friendship with him not knowing what was going on. ⚫️
And then at 20, I had a mutual crush on a girl and I messed up again, firstly because I was just so lost and then because, since my 13, I was convinced to be wrong, out of normal. And mostly I was very concerned by the eyes of the others. It took me years to start to win some confidence, when At the same time, I started to develop a very strong anxiety with very violent panic attacks. ⚫️
And even now, these last months, when I started to be enough confident to tell some, when you are spoiled in front of your co-workers you like very much, this awkwardness and this feeling that something is wrong with me is still here.
Now that I came out like as #bi like, for everyone, I know I am not abnormal, I am like I am. People shouldn’t feel awkward about who they are, and who they love. #pride is not yet the achieved ideal I though at first. It’s now a battle. A battle for my mental health, my confidence and even in a opened country like France 🇫🇷, a battle for my existence as true person and not a mistake of nature. ———— #boy #bisexual #gay #lgbt #instagay #instabisexual #story #instaboy #frenchboy #proud